THE ENDANGERED KANGAROO FINALLY FOUND IN KRUGER PARK.

It is the start of day 3 on safari with my new guests from the United State of America. The family of four arrived back from the sunrise game drive with the rangers from Kruger National Park. As they disembark from the open vehicle I notice the way they are dressed and can only hope that their rescue mission in Antarctica was a success.

As I hand them coffee you can almost see them defrost like my fridge during load shedding. The two 6 year old terrorists that complete our travel party, eagerly explain to me what they have seen and I can not help smiling as the names Zazu, Mumfasa, Simba & Pumba are regularly used as reference!

Hearing the excitement in their voices & looking at their dirty but happy little faces I realize how fortunate I am to be calling this amazing destination my office. An office to be proud of. A office to be shared and enjoyed by people from across the world and across different cultural backgrounds.

A office that we need to respect and preserve for future generations like my two little friends in front of me. It is ours to enjoy but also ours to protect and preserve. Respect each other when visiting Kruger National Park and let’s work together to ensure this part of paradise stays in tacked to create many more stories like this one.

After a breakfast that would deffinatly not make the top 100 on a Vegan friendly restaurant menu we depart on another safari in our own private open vehicle.

The amount of traffic between Satara & Skukuza camps reminds me that is school holiday time in South Africa. I’m talking about Paul Kruger & the history of the park when I suddenly hear “STOP” coming from the back seat like a traffic officer on his first day on the job.

I bring our vehicle to a complete stand still and start backing up. “What did you see mam?” “There; about 50 yeards in behind the bush.” Another car stops in front of us looking in the same direction to witch my lady passenger and the car behind us are now pointing. I move a bit forward again while all 4 my passengers are now franticly looking into the distance with binoculars. Another car arrives and all 4 vehicles are moving back and forth as if we are looking for a  parking spot in Menlyn shopping centre at the end of the month.

 “Can you see it again mam?” “Not sure” she replies. “ What did you see mam?” “I’m sure I saw a kangaroo!” With that I slowly open my third energy drink for the morning and  pull away from the now 5 vehicles surrounding us while I smile and wave and mentally start preparing myself for the rest of our safari.

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WHAT TO EXPECT ON A "ACTION" SAFARI.

Our first magical day on safari in Kruger National Park, with my new 76 to 81 year old international guests were coming to a close around the campfire when I’m approached by what seems to be the leader of the group. Dressed in camouflage clothing from top to bottom that will make any professional huter jealous she moves towards me at a pace of a mine worker in South Africa on a Friday after lunch

 “Francois thank you for the beautiful animals that you have showed us today and the information and knowledge you shared with me and the group but young man we came to Africa for action”.

Looking at her with the same expression of disbelieve that can be seen on our previous president’s face when asked to step down; I promise to do better the following day, but still confused what they really want. With that she turn towards the group and with one hand gesture basically orders the rest of the group to go to bed.

After breakfast we depart from Skukuza towards Pretoruis Kop and after about 6.4km we turn left towards the Mathekanyane lookout point. After the morning aerobics class, also revered to as getting out of a Toyota Mini bus, we walk to the edge and with absolute amazement we all stare in to the distance. Kruger National Park offers some of the most diverse & breathtaking landscapes you can find when on safari anywhere in the world. A truely magical peace of heaven on earth that I can proudly call my office.

They all still chuckled at my remark that you can see your dog run away for two days from here and then it happened! From behind the small tree on our right, two warthogs appear from nowhere clearly in a rush to get away from us. In the process almost running in to my clients.

What followed reminded me of a 100m Olympic sprint in slow motion as 10 pensioners made their way to the “safety” of our mini bus. The difficulty of getting out of the vehicle 20 minutes ago clearly forgotten. Comfort & window seats sacrified for safaty & in record time they are all seated and ready to race away from this "most dangerous" situation. As I pull away the final words of Our Father who art in heaven can be heard from the back seat. For the next hour towards our next destination  you can hear a coin drop and like a recovering alcholic in a pub during happy hour, I feel all alone surrounded by people as absolute silence falls on to our vehicle.

The day ended with a unusual amount of glasses of Amarula Cream around the camp fire under the African sky sharing stories of different sightings & experiences of days gone by.  I could not help laughing when one of the elderly gentleman in our group came up to me and told me “young man thank you for the action you showed us today, but because of that I am not getting any action for the rest of this tour”!

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WHEN NATURE CALLS.

We enter the Kruger National Park at Numbi gate and one can feel the anticipation and excitement building as my guests starts looking for the Big 5. 

My excitement however is building in my stomach and all I’m thinking about is the white throne awaiting me in the restroom next to reception at Pretoruis Kop. A better friend to any human being in agony than the iron thrown in Game of thrones will ever be.

We arrive in camp and after pointing my guests in the direction of Whimpy for lunch I sprint to the restrooms at a pace that will make Wayde van Niekerk proud. 

I lock the door of my cubicle as if I am chased by a serial killer undoing my belt with my other hand. I sit down in a position that reminds me of the thinker statue of Auguste Rodin. 

After what probably sounded like the start of World War 3 I look to my left at the toilet paper holder. Staring back at me is a empty brown roll! With my face in my hands looking down at the floor I think to myself the camp is fully booked and someone should enter the restroom at any minute now to help in my hour of need. 

After 10 minutes I take the empty brown roll and with delicate movements I try no tare off a big enough part to use as alternative but with no luck as it keep on breaking in to small parts.  

That is when my addiction to MacGyver comes in handy and my body kicks in to survival mode. I use my pocket knife and cut two equal square pieces from the back of my underpants while realising I will have to explain this to my wife when I return home. 

Relieved I exit the cubicle and while washing my hands I notice that the man that was in the cubicle next to me now standing beside me is missing a sock. Without any questions asked, he replies “ I did not have a knife.”

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YOU HAVE TO LOVE BIRDERS.

With the opening of the gates at Lowe Sabie in this magical place called Kruger National Park we depart for our first game drive & one can feel the anticipation building in our vehicle.

This is the first day of a 10 day safari with 13 international birders from Denmark & for most of my clients their first experience in the African bush.

I bring our vehicle to a sudden stop and with that the international paparazzi in the back jumps in to action.

Before I can say or explain anything guests are fighting each other to get the best position at the limited windows available in our Toyota mini bus and it reminds me of a Black Friday Sale in one of our major cities around South Africa.

Camera filters are changed and changed again. Non photographers try to get out of the way of that "perfect shot" by crawling around on the floor like a scene from Saving Private Ryan, hoping to catch a glance of the amazing sighting in between the camera action.  Advice are given to some clearly irritated husband by their significant others on how to sit or stand and even on how to pull in their tummies in the process.

Not sure if the European Roller on the left hand side of our vehicle is even aware of all this attention but clearly enjoy the sunshine on another perfect winter’s day in Kruger National Park.

In between the sounds of camera shutters in action they constantly remind each other to keep their voices down. Some of them still trying to figure out how I saw it so high up in the tree.
It is at this moment when I use my opportunity to point out the seven lions on our right hand side sleeping in the grass about four meters from our vehicle and the reason why I stopped in the first place.

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ONE NIGHT AT SUN CITY - A TOUR GUIDE'S VIEW.

After saying goodbye to my guests at The Palace of the Lost City Hotel in Sun City I can not help feeling a little jealous that I do not get to stay at this magical & majestic hotel.
With it's luxurious rooms, out of this world architecture & professional service it is the envy of any traveller.

This is short lived as I turn into my own destination for the evening, The five star Cascades Hotel.

As so many times before the porter opens the sliding passenger door of our tour bus with a smile and with a clear question mark on his face he asked me where my tourist are.

I find myself proudly announcing that this time around I am the tourist checking in. With that he still off load my luggage with a smile as if I was the queen of England before she lost some of the royal family to Canada, while another friendly gentleman offers to park my tour bus as if it was a new Mercedes-Benz from one of the upmarket neighbourhoods in Johannesburg.

Travelling in the elevator to the 12th floor I feel like an Chinese tourist taking pictures of everything, but also with the knowledge that for me, unlike the Chinese, Carona is just a drink.

Opening the door to my luxury suite I wait for the flashing camera lights of the paparazzi as this room can only be for a super star. But the only flash I do experience is the automatic sensor switching on the lights and it reminds me of that magical 5seconds after the end of loadshedding when all your appliances automatically switch on again.

After a long day on tour I relax with a hot shower and take full advantage of the complimentary shampoos & shower gel and after reading the easy to use 3page manual I manage to create that perfect cup of coffee in my room that will make George Clooney jealous.

As a guide working mostly in the bush it takes another manual for me to switch the television to movie channels and like a 5 year old boy I jump on to my King size bed.

Finally it is time for dinner and as I enter the upmarket restaurant I realise that my full safari gear might not have been the best choice for this venue but as the perfectly prepared steak melts in my mouth I could care less.

After dinner I take a relaxing walk through the beautiful gardens of my hotel making my way to the private swimming pool for a late night swim. (Yes mom I did keep my clothes on.)

I travel all over our continent and that means many nights away from home but with the friendly staff at Sun City I can not help feeling at home.

Thank you Sun City Resort for a amazing experience and you will host my guests again soon & this time I am bringing along my golf clubs to enjoy the two world class golf courses.

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*This is not my photo.

HOW NOT TO MAKE FRIENDS WHEN ON SAFARI.

HOW NOT TO MAKE FRIENDS WHEN ON SAFARI.

We finish dinner around the camp fire in Kruger National Park and as I look at the amount of dirty dishes I wonder what happened to the other 12 people that apparently had dinner with us tonight.

Secretly reminding myself to thank the friendly cleaning ladies, that will take care of this mess tomorrow morning, with something extra.

My guests finish another bottle of wine from their now extended family the Four Cousins and with that they make their way to their different chalets and I can not help thinking of the Penguins on Boulders beach making their way into the ocean.

With that I depart to my own hut totally exhausted after another perfect day in this magical place I call my office stopping on the way to admire the stars on this clear winter evening.

A bit upset with myself that I did not lock the door I enter my room too tired to switch on the light and kick off my shoes like a groom on his wedding night as I practise my Magic Mike move on my belt with only one hand.

That is when I hear a deep voice coming from the bed demanding me to exit their room immediately.

I slowly feel the life returning to my body as the demanding words of the deep voice still eco in my ears.

In the dark I gather my shoes and without replying I exit the hut like the flash on steroids.

In my line of work I have faced many dangerous animals in the bush but non as dangerous as a man half awake half a sleep when a complete stranger enters his room in Kruger National Park while undressing.

The following morning I avoid my “crime scene” by taking a 2 mile detour to collect my guests for breakfast.

After my second cup of coffee and questions from my guests on Rhino poaching the incident of the night before is quickly forgotten. We depart on another adventure in paradise and after only twenty minutes we find four vehicles in the road clearly enjoying another great sighting.

We approach with caution and like spectators at Wimbledon we start the search for what ever the other vehicles are looking at.  As we can still not see anything I open my window and ask the gentleman in the car next to us what they are looking at.

It is then I hear that very familiar voice, the voice in the darkness, the voice from the night before. I do not listen to a word he is saying as the only thing I can think of is if he recognize my face. I thank him with a smile and quickly close my window. I can clearly see the anticipation on the faces of my guests. I quickly explain that I could not understand the gentleman  as he spoke one of the other 11 languages and move two cars past his to continue our search from a better view.

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CAMPING WITH CHILDREN.

Camping in the Kruger National Park is like seeing your mother in law departing after a 3 week visit...magical!

Camping with 13 international school children; something totally different.

We finally settle down after pitching 7 tents in Skukuza ending a very long but successful day exploring this piece of heaven on earth.

I advise everyone to please check their sleeping bags and shoes for scorpions and spiders and with that most of them disappear in to their tents. The leader of this group is a tall young man with bright red hair witch I started calling Flame Lily as I could not pronounce his French name the correct way.

He stays seated and eagerly explain to me that he bought a plastic snake in the shop that he is now going to unleash on his innocent victims in the tent nearest to where we are sitting around the fire. One thing that Flame Lily did not know is that I saw him buying the snake and bought one of my own.

He then continue with his plan by sliding his hand into his bag to grab the snake. With that I reveal my own snake asking him if this is what he is looking for. As he is already holding on to his snake in his bag he reacts to the situation by disposing of the bag and running into his tent without using the opening where the door is, dislodging all the tent pens in the process and dragging the tent along while he continues running in to the darkness.

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